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A Time for Giving?

Christmas… the season for giving!!

Most of us love to give… give of our time, give our treasures… We want to give of our time, but how many of us are running around looking for the perfect gift, figuring out how big of a turkey to buy, decorating the house, getting out finding the best and biggest tree in town…me for sure.

Every year, I think once Christmas Day arrives, I will be able to sit down and relax, especially when we are hosting dinner for 16 or more. It won’t happen, and I will go all day and then pass out at the end and proclaim, ‘That was the best day ever!’

And why? Because I am in service to others.

I believe we are here to serve and to love and in the doing for others, I am in service. Sacrificing myself for the sake of others: children, family, friends.

That’s great…. Unless I am keeping myself so busy, that I am not honouring myself in all of this.

I was sitting with a client last night, and we were discussing the fear of not living up to our potential because of leaving others behind. What if we really did go after our dreams? What would people say? Would I have to leave those that I love behind?

What if I don’t follow my dreams? Who pays the price?

I can’t give the true gift of giving until, I give to myself first. Until I live my dreams, I have no ground on supporting others in living theirs.

The conclusion I came to was that, we don’t serve others by sacrificing ourselves.

But I was taught not to be selfish, to share and look after others first. So why, when I am not feeling complete inside, do I blame and punish the ones that I love the most? Is it because I am not honouring myself? My client has big dreams. She knows that she is here to serve (we all are), but her service is somewhere else, in a different country, doing out of the norm things. She may be putting herself in danger. She doesn’t know what to expect when she gets to where she is going, and more importantly, she may be leaving others behind.

The fear of leaving others behind is paralyzing for many people. Asking our loved ones to support us in living our dreams seems selfish when there is a possibility of moving away or growing spiritually or attracting more abundance.

Two years ago, I knew that I had to put part of my story to paper, and it came so easily, quickly, and I did it. Many people have told me how they admire my decision to do that. I had great big grandiose dreams about being on Oprah, and still do, and one day I will be there, or not. What I do know is that when I go to bed at night, I know that I am on purpose, living what I committed to do in this lifetime. It doesn’t always look the way I want it to, and sometimes it looks better than I could imagine.

When I am in front of people sharing the knowledge that I have about marriage and the value of staying in relationships, sharing strategies about how to be happier in your marriage or wherever you are, I know that I am living my purpose. When I am supporting people in moving through their pain and becoming leaders of their lives, I know that I am living my purpose.

I know that some people looked at Shawn and me when we wrote our book and judged our intention and choices. Yet, we knew that we had to do it, because at the end of the day, if I live my life for someone else, the greatest sacrifice I make is that of me. The more I live on purpose, the more I have to offer others in ways of support in living and manifesting their dreams.

So how do we do that? Where do we find the strength to push through our fears and do it anyway?

Ø Find a way to engage support

Ø Join a mastermind group or

Ø Do it for someone else.

20 years ago when I went to treatment, I decided to dedicate my life to my daughter. Over the years, I have worked very hard to be a great mother and friend to Andrea. My intentions were always good, and in hindsight my choices and results have not always been in her best interest. Overall, dedicating myself to another has given me the gift of pushing through the tough times and doing things that I was afraid to do. Now, as she has grown up and making a life of her own, I get to continue to dedicate my life to her through the love and commitment to my new family, and the life I am committed to.

Growing up, my mother taught Andrea an old cockney song from London called, ‘I ‘aint ‘alf proud of my ole Mum and she ‘aint ‘alf proud of me.’

The biggest gift in all is that Andrea is proud of me, AND by dedicating my life to another and becoming a leader of my own destination, I am serving everyone.

Thank you Andrea….

Again, I am always reminded of the Marianne Williamson quote:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you "not” to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”