So it’s Christmas and what does everyone want? If I had a magic wand full of fairy dust, like Tinkerbell, what would I buy everyone on my list? Or even better, what would I give them?

We have two five year olds that I would want to give the gift of courage and patience. I have a twenty three year old daughter that I would give the gift of turning back time and reliving her youth. And we have a three year old Granddaughter that I would give the gift of understanding.

I was a single mother. My daughter is now a single mother to my grand daughter, Faith. Faith is loved and adored; she is funny, loving and smart. She is also sad and angry, and doesn’t understand why she doesn’t have a daddy present in her life.

Both Andrea and I want to be both parents to her. We can’t. We cannot replace her dad. How and when does the pain of our pasts go away? Is it that I am hanging onto the fact that I left Andrea’s dad, taking away the opportunity for us to live as a family unit? Our life was not good back then. Neither my ex nor I had any idea how to parent and how to be in a relationship, and our young daughter did not deserve the early years of her life that she experienced.

Every time I hear or read about how children’s early years affect the rest of their lives, that gape in my soul opens just a little more, and I get to rub just a little more salt on my wounds.

“Daughters raised outside of intact marriages are approximately three times more likely to end up young, unwed mothers than are children whose parents married and stayed married.”

And my daughter is awesome. She is 23 years old, has a big and beautiful heart, is a great mum, has a good job and we have a fabulous relationship. Thank God for that.

In our family, we are blessed. As much as I want for my husband to be the male figure that she can test and love and hate and kick and scream at, it’s not his job. His role is to be her G-Daddy, to love and spoil her as a G-Daddy does. He gives her the love and attention she craves and sometimes, he needs to be the heavy. Andrea looks up to my husband as well and is looking for someone to love her as a little girl, even although she is 23.

What do all the other single mothers out there do? Where are all these little boys and girls getting the father figure that they crave?

The Critical Importance of Responsible Fatherhood, Murray Davis, Chairman, Dad’s of Michigan, to the Joint House Committee Hearings, November 5, 2001, Detroit, Michigan

Society today has some big issues to address around family. No wonder our country’s debt load is so high. I can’t give the gifts of courage, patience, reliving the past or providing a little girl with a Daddy, but I can compensate with stuff. In the long run, it doesn’t work.

So here we are at Christmas: The season for giving…Click Here for The last Article of the Year. It's very real, and we're sure some of you can relate...

We led our first, ‘If Nothing Changes, Nothing Changes,’ week end retreat at the end of October and had such a great time. We had some great reviews; this is what one of our participants said at the end:

If you think, “I’ve taken courses, and I pretty well know this stuff,” well you’re wrong!! I learned a lot… a TON. I had a magical week end with my wife that I will never forget.

The next week end retreat is booked for April 25^th – 28^th, 2008 at Kiwi Cove Lodge and we are only able to accommodate 12 couples, and we are filling up for that program fast.

Our one day workshop, ‘How’s Your Love Life?’ is receiving great reviews, and the next offering of that program is January 19^th, 2008. It’s a great Christmas gift to give another, or yourself and your partner.

We are looking forward to our holiday season and focusing on being an example of courage, patience, sharing great stories of the past and opening our hearts to each other through love and understanding.