There was a disquieting intimacy to the idea that something uninvited was living in my head.

Lance Armstrong

I am currently reading Lance Armstrong’s book, ‘It’s Not About the Bike,’ and he talks about having a brain tumour and the relationship that is built with this unwanted entity living within his brain. He speaks of negotiating with it and getting personal with it.  The book is about how he took ownership of his own life and the disease of cancer, which included a brain tumour.  

As I read this book, I am constantly relating what he says to relationships.  How so many people give up, when there is so much to live for. How many of us want nothing more than a deep, loving, fun, intimate relationship with another and don’t ever allow it to happen? But like that brain tumour that moved uninvited into Lance Armstrong’s head, love does the same in both our heads and our hearts.  

Love moves in and takes over and when it’s good, it’s really good, and when it’s bad, it hurts.

What I am finding about this book, and Lance’s journey, is that he took his life into his own hands and looked for solutions to best heal his body. He didn’t wait for someone else to say this is what you do, and that’s that. He fought for his life.  I haven’t finished the book yet, but I know he got married, and the outcome of that marriage was divorce. I wonder if he gave his wife the dedication he gave his disease?  

I don’t know.  

How many of us fall madly and deeply in love and when things are not going well, give up and move on? We give up, we don’t fight. Why? Because we don’t know what to do; we don’t have the tools to resolve the issues. I wonder how many people really commit to finding solutions in their relationships as if their lives depended on it?

I wonder if things would be different if we didn’t live in such a disposable society; if we were given the choice of one relationship and told, ‘Ok this is it, make it work!’   How many of us look at our lives this way and really cherish the opportunity to make the most out of every day? 

I have recently been diagnosed with a benign brain tumour that is growing in my head and is inoperable. 

We have officially known for about a month now, and so far, it has reminded me that, ‘This is it!’ This day is the one that I get to enjoy; it really is up to me.  If my relationship isn’t working today, then I had best look in the mirror and see what I can do to make it better.  

My relationship is working wonderfully today.  Shawn and I are so happy with the way that we have both dealt with this so far and are so optimistic in the outcome.  I am researching but enough to have an idea with what I am up against, and not enough to let it take over.  I am visualizing, praying and working hard. I am so very grateful for the evidence, that my husband and I have a much bigger picture for ourselves, and that this really is nothing for us to worry about, and that I believe in the cure. 

The day I got a phone call to say that there was something uninvited living in my head, I started asking the ‘why’ question... A wise and wonderful woman said to me, ‘Why doesn’t matter right now. You have chosen to ride a pony , it’s how you ride the pony that counts.’

This stays with me every day, and any time that I think I am falling off my pony, I remember that what I want is to get to the end of my relationship with this tumour knowing that I did it with grace and with lots of love and support around me. And many years from now, when I get to the end of my life, I want to know the same...

This vision gives me lots to work towards.  

Love is the answer,

Lorraine and Shawn